Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I am feeling the love, lots of it...

So far today's been a pretty good day. I realize it's only noon, but I'm going with it. Maybe it's because it finally stopped raining or maybe it's because I'm over whatever flu-like thing I just had. Maybe it has something to do with it being 9/9/09 or maybe there is no reason. Doesn't really matter. It's good to feel like I can breathe, smile occasionally and have some hope to hang onto.

There are quite a few things I'd like to write about today, but I don't have a lot of time so I'm just going to focus on how writing this blog has affected me. I know I touched on it briefly in my last post, but I have been completely overwhelmed with the love and support of all of you who are reading it, commenting and sending me messages. At a time when it would not be good to feel alone, I realize that I have all of these wonderful people with me all of the time. It's like we're all on this crazy journey together. Thank you all so very much!

It's hard to believe how many people I feel connected to after the passing of my kids. I remember feeling that isolation was, by far, the hardest part of being a stay at home mom, (ok, that and lack of sleep) but now it's like things have come full-circle and my kids have connected me to everyone. Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not glad they passed and would trade everything in a millisecond to be isolated on a deserted island with them forever. But it just goes to show how much they really can have an impact on this world even though they are not physically in it.

It's been incredible to feel supported by friends I haven't seen since high school, friends who've been by my side through thick and thin and people who have never met me or my kids. It's also been wonderful to hear from someone who met my kids but doesn't know me! I'm both encouraged and humbled by the fact that my situation has somehow helped others. I'm not sure how this is possible, but it shows that my kids lives were not lost in vain. My greatest fear is that my kids will be forgotten and you all have shown me that forgetting is not possible. I can't begin to describe the peace that realization brings me.

So once more...I've said it before and I'll surely say it again...thank you, thank you! I know I would not have made it this far without everyone's love and support. And thank you, Kate and Peter, for being who you are and allowing me to be your mom.


  1. btw, I found this drawing of Kate's after she died. It's so cute I had to share it. :-)

  2. Yes Amy, the drawing is absolutely not only cute but beautiful! I am one of those "Anonymous" who reads every one of your posts, who doesn't have to know you or your kids (although would have been wonderful) to feel the love that we all feel in your words and hung on every time we have something to read in callapitter.

    Amy, you said you don't know how your situation has helped others, how that is possible, but, at least in my case, it is not exactly your situation, but the love that surrounds it. The love that you have for your kids, the love that your kids had for their mom, the love that from what we read, the drawings we see :), the pictures you share, permeates, and touches us, friends, family, and strangers, the love that all the people that have been touched by this story want to give you back but also learn from. It is that love that makes you spend the time to write this blog, to post the pictures, to reply to our comments; it is not only you giving, and sharing, but the urge we also feel to write you back.

    Amy, for me it is experiencing that kind of love that makes me feel this world is good, and that makes me work harder to work for that to exist and be shared without the need of a tragedy like yours. Science has taught us over and over again that the fact that something cannot be measured, analyzed, quantified, or even seen doesn't prove it doesn't exist. My dearest uncle, who died from cancer, told me once before he knew his diagnosis that one only dies when nobody remembers he/she existed. I cannot imagine how sharply it hurts to not be able to hug them anymore, but Amy, you are hugging them and they are hugging you back in every one of these posts, in every one of us wanting to remember them. Forever. Your story and their legacy will be passed on making this world better, and I will do my part, as I know many many! others will do too. Remember than more than 7000 people signed the cause in Facebook, and try to imagine how many more each one of us have shared this story with. I don't know if their soul or spirit, but your love as a family is reaching farther than Pittsburgh or Buffalo. Thanks for doing this and let us be part of it. A hug back Amy.

  3. Never, ever, never, never, NEVER will those two angels be forgotten. You said you know that but I had to say it....NEVER!!

  4. Just another mom here who wants to thank you for sharing your horrible story. Your beautiful children will never be forgotten. Stay strong. we are all out here pulling for you.