Thursday, November 19, 2009

Coincidence? Notsomuch...

I've said this before and I'll say it again - I do not believe in coincidence. Though I don't think everything is predetermined, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Often timing can be seemingly attributed to nothing less than divine intervention, at least in my experience. That being said...

For the past week or so I've been feeling exceptionally glum. I'm sure that doesn't come as a surprise to anyone, but what I've felt has been different from the usual sadness/anger/outrage/disbelief I've grown accustomed to. This 'glum' feeling is almost a numb feeling. It's like I lack the energy to feel much of anything anymore. It feels like I've used up every last ounce of coping energy over the past 7 months and I've got nothin left. I'm so done. (for those of you who worry - that doesn't mean I want to off myself, I'd just like to stay in bed for the next 6 or 7 years)

So Tuesday night before going to bed I checked my email and noticed that eight or nine people had commented on my blog during a span of a couple hours. I thought that was interesting because I didn't know any of those people and surmised that somewhere, someone must have told a bunch of people about my blog. I didn't know how they heard of me, but I was grateful for their kind words and offers of support. I read what they had to say and went to bed feeling a little better.

Wednesday, as I went through my day I noticed that I was getting new comments every 5 minutes! I was also getting facebook messages from people all over the world. I realized that more than 500 people had viewed my blog in one day so I knew something was up. I googled my blog and saw that Ginny Montanez had written about me and my blog on her blog, "That's Church". She encouraged people to leave a comment to support me. It was all beginning to make sense.

I need to take a few moments to sincerely thank Ginny and everyone who has taken the time to read my blog, look at pictures of my kids and write a few kind words. You have absolutely no idea how much each comment, even the smallest ones, means to me and how much you have all helped me get out of my latest funk. When I truly did not have the strength or energy to cope another day, all of you "internet strangers" and "virtual friends" have carried me. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you!

When I went to see the medium I mentioned in a previous post, she told me she could see a very large blue aura around me. She said that aura was the prayer energy of countless people praying for me. She told me I had no idea how many people were praying and that it would be difficult to understand just how much their prayers were helping. Now I do understand. And I just can't thank everyone enough.

And now for an ironic side note: I saw a news story about Ginny and her blog back in August. I checked "That's Church" out and, in addition to being extremely impressed by what an excellent writer Ginny is, her blog inspired me to start my own blog. I started Callapitter about a week after I saw that news story. I never cease to be amazed by the way people in my world are interconnected or by the fact that there is no such thing as coincidence.

86 comments:

  1. I was one of those who commented after being guided from That's Church, and I'm still amazed by what you are doing. I am truly inspired by you and your children. I'm a single mom, and I know a little when you wrote about planning to be a wife and a mother and suddenly...not so much. I'm in a surprisingly and increasingly nasty custody battle, and when I feel like giving up or giving in because it's all so financially and emotionally overwhelming, I read your stories, and am again inspired even more to keep fighting so I do what I know is right for my son. Thank you for that. It's just yet another gift you and your children have passed on. I hope that gives you some sense of something good.

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  2. I am another one who found you via That's Church. My prayers are with you. Your children would be very proud of their mommy for the inspiration she is passing along to others.

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  3. Great post, Amy, and a reassuring one regarding the power of prayer as well as the interconnectedness of our individual journeys.

    A few years ago I came across a definition of "coincidence" as "a tiny miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous." It's stuck with me and whenever I have one of those amazing moments, it's a reminder of God's unceasing presence and that we are never truly separated from those we love. ~Jennie

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  4. I, too, am a stranger guided to your blog by Ginny. Lots of us are, I see! Just know that whether or not you would know our faces in a crowd, we are all here for you, lifting you up. You, Steve, Kate and Peter are in my prayers, and will stay there. Amy, you are an inspiration. Thank YOU!

    "Every time a man unburdens his heart to a stranger he reaffirms the love that unites humanity." -Germaine Greer

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  5. I've been reading since you started the blog. It was linked on a forum that I frequent. I almost felt like I would be intruding by commenting. I guess I was wrong.

    You are an amazing woman and your children are beautiful. You are all in my thoughts often. *cheesy internet hugs*

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  6. I have two daughters and I just can't imagine losing them. You must be one tough cookie to survive on a daily basis. Stay strong. Your blog and your pictures are amazing. Melissa C in Bradenville, PA

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  7. Hi Amy,
    Thinking about you since Ginny posted your site. I have prayed for your strength every hour since. Your horrific situation got me thinking that it was only just about 130 years ago when almost every other family in American experienced a death of a child through desease. Can you imagine? As a historican I experience the present with an eye to the past. Not that this lessens the sorrow but wow. Best to you as you heal and grow.

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  8. I also can't spell today, sorry about that.

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  9. I, too, found you through Ginny's blog. I don't see contact info for you...like an e-mail address...but I wanted to get in touch with you, too, to share my story. It's different - my kids are alive, but not with me...and, well, it's too much for a comment. But, I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while now, and I'm going to do it as soon as my semester of school is over (early Dec.). Your blog is what inspired me to finally make some moves in that direction. I do not do Facebook or MySpace...do you have other contact info? I do not want to sound presumptuous...but my story might be something that you could draw upon, it might help you. My kids, although I see them frequently, are not in my custody by virtue of a horrible decision I made a few years ago, that dogs me still. And I'm NOT trying to minimize your situation. But please know that, although you've written about feeling as though you failed them - well, I DID fail mine. No question about that. And I'm certainly not going to say that living with the knowledge that I failed them and that we ALL pay for my selfishness is "worse" than what you endure on a daily basis. But this is enough for a "comments" section...again, do you accept e-mail?

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  10. So happy we could help you out even a tiny little bit. You're in my prayers always.

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  11. I found your site through Ginny as well, read through it and wanted to say it's incredible for you to share your story with us.

    You've got a world of people supporting you, and many of them are right in your backyard 'n at.

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  12. You remain in my prayers, and I'm so glad that the comments made you feel even just slightly better! Keep on going and know so much love surrounds you!

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  13. I also can thank Ginny for guiding me to your blog. I don't pretend to know what you're struggling through, but stay strong. Your story is heartbreaking to read; I can't imagine how it feels to live it. Your sweet babies must be beaming with pride from above. God bless you and your beautiful children.

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  14. So glad you felt a little uplifted from the comments. I am also jumping over from "That's Church" and am amazed, amazed, amazed at your strength. I also think its wonderful what you are doing with the playground at your daughter's school. I was surprised I didn't hear of your story before but now that I have you are on my reader and I will continue to check in and pray for you, your angels and their dad too.

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  15. I found your blog through Ginny, as well, and felt like it was a total God find...I can't even imagine the journey that you are on, but I am so thankful that you are sharing it with us.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers, and your courage makes you one of my new heroines...you go, sister!

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  16. Yesterday while watching Ben and his classmates play all around Peter and Kate's tree outside of school I thought about how happy they would be to see the kids giggling and how they would be joining right in. I remember the kids doing just that together many, many times. So many times we got a shout-out in the Beulah newsletter telling parents that it wasn't a great idea. Remember that? Now Peter and Kate's tree is the hangout spot. I love that!! Miss you!!!

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  17. You are an incredibly strong person to be able to deal with something so traumatic, however as you said everything happens for a reason and God would never give you something that you aren't strong enough to cope with. Your children are beautiful and find comfort in knowing that they did not die in vain--your story is an inspiration to us all

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  18. I linked to your blog from Reddit.

    I wish I had some encouraging words, but... my father died years ago. I still expect him to show up at Christmas dinner wearing some dorky sweater. I just try to love the people around me now.

    I do feel like he's still here though. There are times it seems like he's right next to me.

    reddit.com

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  19. I also found your blog by reading That's Church. Your story broke my heart. You might not feel very strong right now, but trust me, you are definitely an inspiration. Prayers for you and your beautiful children xoxoxo

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  20. Amy,

    I came from 'that's church' as well and wanted to send out some good vibes to you. You're an amazing person and keep people inspired. My thoughts will be with you this holiday season and may you continue to be a powerful, inspirational and awesome indvidual who carries on the spirit of your children by living each day to the fullest!!!

    Former 'Burgher via Florida.

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  21. Another stranger, this one doesn't go to bed without checking every day how are you doing... keep looking in, keep looking up, keep looking forward,... we are here with you Amy. Thanks!

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  22. My thoughts are also with you. There are no coincidences, I hope the result of this non-coincidence is to provide you support at a time when you really need it. Thank you for sharing your children with the world.

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  23. (ginny sent me)

    but more important - i read your profile and disclaimer about not being i writer. i beg to differ.

    keep your head UP!

    : )

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  24. Dear Amy:

    We are all connected in magical ways, whether it be as "soccer moms", "Little League moms" or as "Little Angel moms". Your grief is unbelieveable, your pain so palpable, & your strength admirable. I pray that you find peace at some point in your journey. God has a plan for you and your virtual friends will keep that blue aura around you until that plan is fulfilled. Your Callapitter blog was shared as a link with me by some facebook friends and I felt compelled to reach out to you. My heart was touched by the love you had for your children. I am so very sorry for your loss.
    An old soccer mom.

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  25. (((((((((( Virtual hugs))))))))))))

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  26. I don't even know you but my heart aches for you. May you continue to find strength and courage to get through this tragedy.

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  27. I, too came from That's Church.
    Know that people do care.
    My situation is not as bad as yours.
    But I do understand.
    Remember what may hurt you, will not defeat you but in the long run, Make you stronger.
    I hope all of our prayers do make you stronger and help you find peace and Joy.

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  28. I also came over from That's Church. I think that it is a wonderful thing that you are doing, sharing your story with the world, as I am sure that you are helping others get through tough times as well. Please know that you are in the thoughts of Pittsburghers everywhere!

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  29. That's Church also brought me to your blog. Your children were beautiful and I am so sorry for your tragic loss. My sister died in a car accident three years ago and my parents continue to seek comfort. It never gets better, but it does get easier to get back up. You will be in our family's thoughts and prayers as you continue down this long road.

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  30. Sent here by way of That's Church too, you and your beautiful children are in my prayers everyday now.

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  31. I read about your blog on That's Church. Know you are prayed for.

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  32. I have been reading about you and your situation since April. Either through facebook or now this amazing blog. Your strength leaves me speachless, but the thing I am most impressed with is that you seem to have amazing coping skills. You are facing the most heartwrenching situation you will face in your life and you are so aware of others and THEIR feelings. In your previous blogs you addressed causing worry to the people who are closest to you regarding suicide. That to me says so much about the person you are. That you even have enough emotional strength left to give a hoot about somebody else is unbelievable. You are a strong, caring, and forgiving woman who I am certain will go on to live a fulfilling life. Kate and Peter are beautiful children with an equally beautiful mother. The day you reunite with them in Heaven will be a glorious day! I think of you daily and send you my strenth and prayers.

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  33. I too stumbled upon your blog after reading Ginny's column. I just wanted to tell you that I completely admire your honesty and strength. It is utterly impossible for me to even pretend to understand how you can feel, especially as a mother. You are doing so well and I'm sure that your childen are smiling, wherever they are --for you are living life and not giving up on it. My father passed away suddenly at age 52. It was devasting and I continue to look for signs from him. I truly believe that there is another dimension of space where our loved ones who has passsed are waiting. I'd like to believe that to them, waiting for us to live our lives out on Earth is as quick as a blink of an eye. You will see your children again and they are with you. There is no stronger bond than between a mother and a child. Hang in there. You continue to be in my thoughts. Sorry for this post that is all over the place, but I just had to get a few things out.

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  34. I found your blog from That's church too.. I am so amazed by you. You are truly an inspiration. Your response to suicide made me smile. You said you wouldn't do it because you don't want to end up somewhere your kids aren't. My Mom says that very same thing. My Dad passed away 12 years ago, and she has always said that.. she also said that as soon as she gets to heaven she is going to find my poor Dad and kick his ass from one side of heaven to the next. LOL!

    I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are just amazing, and I know we've never met, but you are one awesome Mommy. And even though your children are no longer here, your title of Mommy will always be yours. Your blog has inspired me to be a bit more patient with my own 2 daughters. It's not always easy, but I am trying.

    God Bless you, Amy.. and your entire family. We are all here for you. :)

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  35. I came here from Ginny's blog too! I added you to my RSS feed immediately (I'm bad at remembering to check websites since I found RSS feeds!) The Pittsburgh Blog Community is truly amazing. I've never seen such support, help, advice and cheering-on in one place! It's amazing!

    Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I feel I've grown from reading what you've wrote. I hope that you feel writing it has helped you.

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  36. Amy,I admire your strength and your love for your beautiful children. I can't fathom the depth of your grief but I can only hope that you find strength in the love of your family and those of us who you blessed with sharing your experiences. I hugged my kids a little tighter tonight because of you. Thank you Amy, you will be in my prayers.

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  37. Amy, I found your blog through "church" and I've been thinking about you since I read your blog. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us. Like everyone else here - I'm sending you positive energy, hugs, and my prayers. We care about you and we're here to "listen".

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  38. Amy, thank you for sharing your experience with us. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  39. As a mother myself, I can't imagine the pain and heartache you must feel all the time. When I think about what you must be going through my heart literally feels heavy. I will continue to pray for you in your journey of healing.

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  40. I found your blog through That's Church too. You have been in my thoughts since I first clicked over here. I think you are an amazing inspiration with your ability to cope with such tragedy. I hope your blue aura continues to glow.

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  41. Ginny sent me too ;)

    Thank you for putting your heart and hurt out there for everyone to see. You have given all of us perspective, and made each of us hug our kids that much tighter.

    My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  42. amy, I am one of those "that's church" folks (church folks, ha) and came over here today to check out your blog.

    first of all -- my sincerest condolences. I cannot even fathom what you have experienced here.

    the fact that you lost your children as they traveled on the NY thruway is what made your story that much more interesting to me on a personal level. I was born in jamestown, ny and lived in fredonia, ny for the first three years of my life. I do tend to go up that way at least once a year to see family and do travel the thruway most of the time.

    I will do my best to keep up with your blog. and, thank you for sharing your story.

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  43. Amy~

    I am so truly sorry to hear about your loss. You are an incredibly strong woman to even be able to get out of bed each day. I am praying for you.

    -AJM

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  44. I also found you through That's Church. I cannot imagine what you are going through but know that we are all praying for you! Stay strong!

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  45. Amy,
    I loved reading this post, because it reminded me of the positive power of human connection - even over the internet! I have been awed by your strength over the past few months, and am now amazed at how your story has touched others. This blog is such a wonderful idea on so many levels. Please continue to share your journey of healing, and be strengthened by all of the love and support your friends and readers send your way!
    Much love,
    Christine

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  46. Amy,
    I, too, read your blog after seeing Ginny mention it on "That's Church". I cannot begin to understand what you are going through but like all the other commenters before me, I am amazed at your strength and your determination.
    You're in my thoughts and prayers.
    Jaime

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  47. Another Ginny referral. I am so very sorry for what you have been through - you and your family are in my prayers.

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  48. Amy - no, you don't know me, but I feel like I know you (just a little). Just like we all know pain, frustration, and suffering in life and wonder "why?" I just want you to know that, in deed, these things are not coincidences and that God's plan is bigger than any one of us can really understand. We just need to trust Him and follow the path...even through the difficult times. Blessings on you Amy...keep on.

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  49. Amy, Ginny introduced you to me as well. I cannot stop thinking of you, and I am so deeply sorry, there aren't enough words.

    I wanted to share that my children have been battling a very serious recurring medical condition for the past five months. It has been one of the most difficult things I've ever endured--several times now, just when we think we've beat it, another round presents itself. On Wednesday, the day I found your blog, we had our first recurrence in two months. I couldn't believe it, and I began slipping into despair. Later that day, after reading your story, I had new perspective. I am a weak woman, but with God's help, I can be strong. Thank you for sharing your story. It has given me courage to keep fighting, and to cherish the moments, even when they are dark.

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  50. There are no words. All I can do is pray for you and remind you that answers only come on God's schedule, not ours. God bless....

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  51. Praying for and thinking of you.

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  52. Saw someone (probably Ginny) tweet a link to your blog. I remember reading the news story in April and thinking that was the worst thing that could happen and wonder how in the hell their mother was going to survive. I have sent my children off cross country with my ex and held my breath the entire time. I cannot imagine coping. I don't know if I'd be strong enough. You have been in my thoughts constantly since I saw your blog. Know there are many anonymous strangers out here pulling for you and wishing we could give you some comfort. Your children are so beautiful, I have been thinking of their lovely faces constantly as well. Dont quite know how to express how much you, and they, have touched me.

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  53. Thinking of you! *hug*

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  54. Well... the world just got a little smaller. I have been praying for you since I first found out about Peter & Kate. I am a friend of your one of your dear friends. I actually watched her little girl at the time! I've been praying for you ... where the world gets "smaller"... Ginny is my cousin! I'm thrilled to see how many people are praying for you! I can't even begin to imagine your grief. You are a very strong and beautiful woman! You will continue to be in my prayers!

    C

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  55. When I was 12 I had a classmate who died of the flu. I was so amazed at how her parents handled it with strength and grace, particularly her mother. But I know her mother's biggest fear was that people would grow up, move on, and forget her daughter.

    I can assure you, though, that even 13 years later, I often think about my friend. I will NEVER forget her, and now, I'll never forget Kate and Peter, either. Not only are you helping to preserve their memory with this blog, you are also "introducing" them to people who never would have known about them otherwise. So thank-you for sharing the memory of your children with us.

    Your courage amazes me, and you’re in my prayers. Stay strong.

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  56. You are pretty much the strongest person ever for being able to even get out of bed every morning. Honestly. I know if i were in those shoes i wouldn't know what to do. If you would ever like to do a scrapbook of your children's lives i would be more than happy to either donate items or work on pages for you as i own a scrapbooking business. I love doing pages of childen, and what a better way to keep all those moments with you forever. They are your angels now, and they will always be looking out for you until its your time to be with them. <3

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  57. Amy,
    You are being thought of and prayers, so many prayers, are with you.

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  58. I'm another "That's Church" reader and I just want to tell you how amazing I think you are. You are an inspiration to so many people out there. I honestly don't know how you do it. I lost my dad a few years ago, the year I graduated college. I pretty much got through it by pretending it didn't happen but you can only pretend for so long. As I'm preparing to get married, I think about him constantly and wish he was still here to walk me down the aisle. I ask God "Why?" constantly. But I know that he will be with me that day (and everyday) just like I know your kids are always going to be with you. They are our angels in heaven watching over us. As time goes on, it has gotten easier for me to talk about my dad and share all the wonderful memories I had with him. It makes me feel like he's still here in a way by sharing him with others. I think having this blog to talk about your children is a wonderful idea and will definitely be good therapy for you. I wish you the best of luck and please know that there are a lot of people out there praying for you and your children and rooting for you!!

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  59. I found out about your blog through Ginny, but have been following your story since the beginning. I later found out that one of my friends is a close friend of yours. I travel the route between Buffalo and Pittsburgh often as I'm from Buffalo but now live in Pittsburgh. My sister died in a car accident off the NYS thruway. I have two young kids, so what you're going through hits close to home. I think about you all the time. Know that we're all pulling for you!

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  60. Hi Amy -
    The day I was guided to your blog through Ginny's I was feeling pretty down about my week (hurt my back, husband diagnosed with cancer, troubles at work). I sat in front of my computer and cried all the way through your posts from end to beginning. At the end I sat and thought for a long time about your incredible strength in the face of all your heartbreak and anger (I don't know you but I can feel it through your words). And I thought about my own life. That my back will heal, that my husband's cancer is treatable, that I can deal with my petty problems at work. And I thought about my own six year old child. Thank you for helping me to set my priorities. Thank you for sharing your story. I don't spend a lot of time in church but I do have a deep sense of faith and I believe your beautiful children can still feel you (how can that mother and child connection EVER be broken?) - and are very proud of you. I think about you often and hope you find peaceful moments in every day.

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  61. Amy,
    Your Peter and Kate were beautiful children and are certainly now angels who are with you every day in spirit. Keep your faith and let the kind words of friends and strangers give you strength. There are certainly very few of us who can truly understand what you have experienced and continue to go through - but so many of us that know how to hold a hand and lend support. Even in a virtual world! God bless you and give you strength.

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  62. I'm here from the That's Church blog. I'm so very sorry for your loss and cannot imagine what you are going through. Thank you for sharing your story via blog. I know it's very small, if any consolation, but your story reminds me to cherish my kids, every day, no matter what. You are in my thoughts. (((hugs)))

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  63. I, Like everyone else here... well almost everyone found you through That's Church, and I have to share with you that after I read about 20 of your past posts, I started to pray. I hold you and your family in prayer, and know that you are surrounded by support, hugs, and love. I know that you are going through hell, and I know that it totally sucks. May you be comforted by this quilt of support, and wrap yourself in the knowledge that really, you are NOT alone. Blessings to you.

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  64. Like many others, I found your blog through That's Church. I was deeply touched and moved by your tragedy, and just wanted to pass on to you that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Although the loss will never go away, it is my hope that with the support and love of your family, friends, and yes, your fellow 'burghers, you will find solace and peace as you continue on your journey through life. God bless you!

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  65. By the way, now that we've all pretty much arrived from "That's Church",.....
    We won't be going away anytime soon.
    You might as well break out some snacks for us...

    Thinking of you....

    God bless

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  66. HAH! to Steeler_Tom, always providing the laughs.

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  67. It's strange how this blog world lets strangers' lives bump up against each others'. And it's strange how one blog leads to another that leads to another and then another. Today I was led to your blog. I felt I had to say something, not just pop up here, read some of your innermost thoughts, then slip away again.
    Here's what I am moved to say - You are strong. You ARE strong. That comes through. You will get through this. You will be okay.
    Secondly, absolutely Kate and Peter are with you. Love such as you shared with them doesn't leave you. They ARE with you.
    You are in my prayers.

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  68. I'm glad Ginny found you so that we all could to. Your strength humbles and amazes me.

    And I'm terribly sorry you have to write this blog at all. My heart breaks.

    ciao,
    rpm

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  69. I found you via "Church," too. Reading your words, and all the comments left by others, puts me in awe of the human spirit, its resiliency, its relentless constancy.....

    Much love to you all.....

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  70. Ginny, you have quite the following of fabulous people! Thanks for sharing them.

    steeler_tom, I'm so glad you're all here! Thanks for lightening the mood a little. Even in the midst of tragedy (or maybe especially in the midst of tragedy) we all need some comic relief. Thanks for bringing the laughs - I'd be happy to get out the snacks!

    And to everyone else who has commented, I'm overwhelmed, in a good way, by your thoughtfulness and support. Thank you again! (I just can't say it enough)

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  71. Amy, your blog has really caused me to stop and try to better keep the proper perspective. I am so so sorry for all that you have to endure, but I thank you for having the courage to share your experiences with us. I know that I look at my 3 children through different eyes since reading your posts here. And I will continue to keep you in my prayers. How fortunate your children are to have you for a mom.

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  72. The medium was right. We will be following and praying for you for a long time to come. God bless you. You are a strong wonderful woman... All our love and prayers

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  73. my husband (we're separated right now) sent me a link to your site, i think he found it on Reddit.com i was mad at first, i wrote back to him and told him that sites like this should come with a disclaimer: do not read until at least an hour AFTER taking daily antidepressants. i was crying by the end of the first post, but the pictures made me laugh unexpectedly. im an artist (various mediums, of which sculpture is new for me) your site inspired me to make a sculpture of 2 small children. id like to send them to you, if you would accept them. at some point, can you send me a mailing address? if you have a local UPS store, i can send it there so you dont have to give your physical address. my email address is mirandalynn@mac.com
    ~m

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  74. Amy, Hang in there. Your beautiful children will show you the way. One day at a time. You are in my prayers. From another That's Church follower.

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  75. I have also been directed here from That's Church. I have 3 of my own kids, and have no idea how you can even function. Since I've read your blog I think of you and your wee ones often. Sometimes, we have no idea what our own strength is, and I think that judging from what you've been through could give Superman a real thrashing. Keep doing what you're doing, you have an army of supporters!!

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  76. I found you through That's Church as well. You are truly the strongest person I have ever virtually met. Your children are beautiful, and they are watching down on you every day. Though your heart will always feel heavy with sorrow, know that you can and will go on. No matter what, carry them with you in your heart, mind and soul and you will be fulfilled. As a mom of three, you are an inspiration to live life to the fullest and to treasure every moment spent with the loves of your life. Thank you.

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  77. amy,
    i was also brought here by ginny as i see alot of us were! the way you tell your story is so honest and personal and you are certainly an inspiration.
    as a mother of a 10 year old and a 9 year old step daughter approaching those difficult years,you have made me stop and appreciate every moment i have with them good and bad. thank you!
    take care and god bless.

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  78. Amy,

    My prayers and thoughts are with you.

    "Think of all the beauty left around you and be happy" - Anne Frank.

    I hope that you can find some peace and happiness this holiday season.

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  79. Amy...you amaze all of us who hear about your story. It's unfathomable to think about the heartbreak you have suffered and the pain you endure each day. But, you should know that we are all rooting for you and hope the future holds something that will begin to fill the void in your world. Take care of yourself, cry when you need to and try to surround yourself with people who can make you laugh--even for just a little while.

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  80. Like everyone else, I found you via "That's Church"
    Reading your blog reminded me of what my mother always told me "Count your blessings because no matter how bad you have it in life, someone always has it worse"

    My husband dropped dead in my kitchen a few years back and left me with two children to raise. When I start feeling sorry for myself, I need to read stories like yours. You are one couragous woman.

    I used to enjoy reading one particular blog until the blogger started writing about wanting to kill herself and not wanting to live anymore, and life was so bad because HER BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH HER!!!!
    I wanted to comment and give her the link to your blog but thought that would be rude.

    I will add you to my list of prayers.
    Thank you for sharing with us.

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  81. amy,

    i also came upon your blog via that's church. don't know what i can add that hasn't been said, but you rock. keep putting one foot in front of the other, and we'll be here to help you if you stumble.

    susan

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  82. I'm amazed and inspired by your strength, and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. May you find peace and joy during the coming holidays.

    Audrey

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  83. I am one of the many who will always remember you and your children and keep you in my prayers. I don't know why terrible things like this happen, but I know when they do, we have to be there for each other. Even if it's just a virtual hug. ((((Amy))))

    SM

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  84. Keep going Amy!!!

    We're all behind you, so you're never alone.

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  85. I am also one of the commenters that found you through That's Church. I havn't been able to stop thinking about you, your beautiful children and your beautiful tribute to them (this blog) since I found it last week. I would like to thank you because I have realized how much reading your blog impacted me... I have two children, similar in ages to yours, and I felt that you and I connected in a way and made me (although in a VERY small way) feel a bit of your pain in knowing that this COULD happen to me. It's not fair. It could happen to anyone, and the only thing we can do everyday is hug our children, listen when they talk to us even if we are busy doing something else. I pray for you, for you to find strength to continue on living, your children were happy, happy children thanks to you and I am sure they are SO proud of their mother. Much love to you. Carmen

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  86. You are amazing and an inspiration (and a heck of a writer)!

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