Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wherever I go, there they are...
Since my kids died I have have quite a few experiences with them, if that makes any sense. Sometimes I feel one or both of them with me, sometimes I "hear" them and sometimes weird things happen that I can't explain any way other than - my kids are trying to tell me something. I've learned that some people call these experiences after-death communications (ADCs).
The first time I truly felt them was when I first saw their bodies after they died. I was so afraid to see them...I was scared shitless!!! I had no idea how to handle seeing my kids lying in a casket. They died on a Monday and I didn't see them for the first time until the following Saturday (it took awhile - it was Easter week and people were busy).
I walked alone into the room where they were laid out. (btw, I hate the term "laid out", but I don't know a better one) I didn't want anyone with me and I felt I should be the first person to see them. I didn't know if I was going to pass out, scream or throw up. Like I said - scared shitless. I walked up to them, started crying immediately and knelt down beside them. It took about 30 seconds before I was absolutely certain that they were not in their bodies (it didn't even really look like them) and they were standing on either side of me. I felt them SO STRONGLY, it's hard to even explain. I stopped crying and didn't cry again for the rest of the wake. A friend of mine who was there later emailed me to tell me that she had been a little freaked out - when she came over to talk to me she could feel them next to me too.
The next time I had an experience like that was Mother's Day. I woke up, alone in my house, and started getting ready to go walk the Race for the Cure. While I was getting dressed I "heard" them say, "just wait, Mama, we have a big surprise for you today". It was not an audible "hearing", but an intuitive one. Regardless, I thought I was starting to lose it. What surprise could they possibly have for me?!
I did the race then had brunch with a good friend. When I got back home I opened my front door, which had been locked, and my living room was FILLED with gifts. I had no idea who had been there or where the gifts came from, but again I "heard" my kids. The sounded very excited and said, "SEE? We pulled it off! Yay!" I was overwhelmed and started crying happy tears. Not only was it so kind of someone to do something like this for me on Mother's Day, but I knew I could really hear my kids! I wasn't losing my mind. It turns out that a bunch of my friends, as well as many people I don't know, had collected little gifts over the previous month to surprise me. It was extremely thoughtful and I was more than grateful...and I knew for sure my kids were behind it.
Since then I've had a bunch of other experiences like that, especially while I was traveling in Italy last month. I want to write about all of them - not only to share them, but because I don't want to forget them. It's so encouraging to have these experiences because it means my kids aren't really "dead", they're just living in another dimension (or whatever you want to call it) with all our other loved ones who've crossed over.
So I promise I will write about the other occurrences soon, but I'm afraid this story is turning into more of a book than a blog post. There's just too much to write all at once - which is a great thing! I hope and pray my kids will continue to be with me wherever I go.