Thanksgiving this year will be....well, interesting. I'm not sure, but I don't think it will be more horrible or unbearable than any other day because every day is difficult. I'll let you know.
I love Thanksgiving. I think it's my favorite holiday. Mostly because I love to cook and I really love to eat and it's great to have a whole day to do that with the people you love. I'm also a big fan of giving thanks. I've always felt it's important to "count my blessings" and not take things for granted, even before this year happened.
I guess, in some way, giving thanks this year means even more than it ever has before. I realize I've suffered a devastating loss, one I would give anything to undo and one I can't even completely comprehend, but even so...I still have so much good in my life. I have a wonderful family who would do anything for me, I have the most amazing friends in the world and I have a huge virtual community supporting me and helping me get by. I have a roof over my head, a job and a car. I’ve had the opportunity to spend some time traveling and now I have the chance to go back to school and pursue a career doing something I love. I am healthy. Despite my loss, I have many blessings.
As someone commented on one of my past posts - no matter how bad you think you have it, someone always has it worse. Though I am no longer physically with my children, I'm mostly sure they crossed over very quickly and didn't spend any time suffering. I believe in my heart and my soul that they are in a better place, surrounded by love and peace. They're not hurting, those of us who grieve for them are.
My heart goes out to parents who have to watch their children suffer through long-term illnesses. I also think about people who live in extreme poverty or war zones, soldiers who have to fight in wars and parents who's children disappear or are abducted. In no way is this a "who has it worse" contest, but I don't think I'd be strong enough to handle any of that. So, in my opinion, there are many people out there who have been dealt a far worse hand than me.
But back to the giving thanks part...
Most importantly, I am thankful for being Kate and Peter's mom. They came into my life, turned it upside-down, challenged me, changed me and made me a better person. They showed me what true unconditional love is.
They are they reason I have such wonderful friends. Through their lives and even in death they have connected me to so many people and brought so many other people together. The amount of love, light and joy they brought to this world in a combined 10 short years is certainly more I have in 35 years (though I’m only 28).
They taught me what is truly important in life. And I know, for sure, that they are still teaching me, changing me and helping me grow. I’m thankful for every moment I got to spend with them and every moment I will have with them in the future!
Thank you, Kate and Peter! I love you!!! Happy Thanksgiving.