Monday, April 5, 2010

tomorrow is "the day"...

Tomorrow, April 6th, will be the 1st anniversary of the day my kids died. I don't like to refer to it as an anniversary because, to me, the term anniversary suggests a celebration. I won't be celebrating. I'm not even sure I'll be breathing.

I don't want to make too big a deal out of "the day". In many ways it's like any other day - just another day on this earth without Kate and Peter, at least in the physical sense. However, I do feel like I'd like to do something to honor them tomorrow. I just don't know what. If anyone has any ideas I'm open to suggestions.

I was hoping to write something more eloquent, but I'm finding that I have no words. Just lots of tears. So I'll end this post with a few of my favorite pictures.











152 comments:

  1. I will have you in my heart all day tomorrow Amy.
    Never forget that so many will be doing the same.

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  2. Tomorrow is the "anniversary" of the day my mom died. It's not the first one, but it's still just as raw. I don't really do anything special, but I try to notice things through out the day that would have made her smile, the sun shining or the flowers blooming. Even when it rains, she loved listenig to the rain, I note that, because then we are a little bit closer.

    I will be thinking of you tomorrow, and trying to do the same for Kate and Peter.

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  3. Amy, I know that I speak for all of the Wolferts when I say that you will be in our thoughts tomorrow, as you are so often.
    Susan Wolfert

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  4. Gosh I know this might be lame, but I remembered how they loved to play, of course all kids do. But Kate and Peter never once did I hear them moan about it. It was laughter pure laughter when they played. Blue Slide Park maybe, maybe we can play. I know I'm awe full at this sorta thing and it might not be appropriate. But Blue Slide I can not get it out of my head. Just a thought.

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  5. plant one of their favorite berry bushes in your yard.
    bake their favorite bread.
    ask a close friend to walk to their favorite playground with you.
    read a book. either their favorites or one to let them honor you...one that you have always wanted to read...if you can't think of one...go for an award winning book.
    make a small campfire to honor them.
    do their favorite activity.
    hope you find something to do that feels right...

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  6. Amy, You have been in my thoughts every single day for the last year and you will continue to be, for probably the rest of my life. I am sure tomorrow is going to be very sad for you, it also will be for me too. I can't even imagine what you feel everyday, because I know what I feel for you & also missing Kate & Peter & I just can't imagine....that is all I can say! I always think about calling you....I still want to come & visit with you...I don't want you to think that I don't....But sometimes I just can't. I am just afraid that I will cry the entire time I am with you & end up making you feel worse. I still cry almost every single day, for you & for them. Ryan & Molly still pray to them, talk to them, send them ballons in the sky....something...every single day! They hug & kiss their pictures, they make them cards, they sing them songs...it helps Ryan & Molly...they miss them too! So many of our lives will never be the same, after last year. Mine will never be! I will never forget what that felt like. I will be praying for you tomorrow, as I do every night, for the strength to just get through this time on earth...I pray for "good distractions" to come your way! I am sorry that I am rambling & NONE of this probably makes any sense or is grammaticaly correct in any way, but O'well. I love you & Kate & Peter will all of my heart & any time you need anything, for the REST of your life, I WILL be here for you! I will be thinking of you all EVERY second of tomorrow, as I am sure so many other people will be too! Love you ~Lisa (Wearne) xoxo

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  7. While it compares in no way to what you're feeling, I too have no words for you. Just tears. You will be on my mind and in my heart tomorrow and every day.

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  8. Ok so I am going to go out on a limb here and say that all of these suggestions are great and that they are all ways that you could celebrate Kate and Peter throughout the day. You could also sit down at end of the day (or in the middle for that matter), drink a little too much and just fucking cry your eyes out. Not that you need permission for that Amy. It's just another suggestion, cause I am pretty sure that's what I would do if I were you.
    Love you mama.

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  9. Thinking of you. Virtually hugging you. You'll be on my mind all day tomorrow.

    Much love to you.

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  10. All I have to give are hugs. So many hugs to you.

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  11. Sending my prayers and love. You are so incredibly strong.

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  12. Tomorrow is a hard day here, but nothing like what you will be dealing with. Three years ago tomorrow we had a miscarriage, while my sister gave birth to her son. It's also my beloved grandmothers birthday who had passed only a few months before that. April 6th is bittersweet, and I can tell you I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and your precious Kate and Peter.
    I've been reading your blog off and on since last summer and pray that a peace comes over you tomorrow.
    Praying,
    Ginger

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  13. Amy, there are no words to match your grief but know that so many people will be holding you in their hearts more than ever tomorrow.

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  14. Wrap yourself in happy memories and warm hugs from your family, friends, and readers. We're all here for you.

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  15. Sending virtual hugs and know you will be in my thoughts tomorrow.

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  16. Those pictures are beautiful ! I don't know what to tell you to do other than whatever you think Peter & Kate would want you to do. Lots of prayers and hugs as you pass this milestone.

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  17. You don't know me, but I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I grew up very near the Environmental Charter School....we used to throw rocks through the windows before it was "reclaimed" (Not me of course...) Now I will remember of your kids every time I pass by.

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  18. I know we've never met, I am a colleague of steve's. You have been on my mind all year. You see, I have a son who is almost three and when he laughs and runs and gets dirty, I think of little Peter sometimes- we have spent quite a bit of time in Pittsburgh this year b/c my husband is doing a surgical fellowship @ upmc. Wherever we go in Pburgh I try to think of your kids and where they played, what they loved best, I try pay attention to the sheer joy that my son has experienced in this wonderful city. Something moved me this past week to seek out your blog and I read the entire thing sitting outside in this great weather. While I read it, the windchimes on our deck became completely still. When my mind would drift they would clang and clang and back I would go to the blog and then sudden quiet would resume. As there was such an outpouring of collective grief in buffalo last year, and since I have driven that route so many times this year, I find I think about the accident too much for someone not really involve in your lives. But after reading your blog and the whole windchime experience. I find that all those thoughts were replaced by a sense of-peace? Not sure. But replaced by an urge to get outside and play. So, I will honor two beautiful children I never met, a mom I've never met and a dad that I still picture a chief resident while I was a picu sub-intern, I will honor them by really jumping into the joy of my own son. And I will listen for the happiness of Kate and peter's in the wind. Maybe we'll take a run down Blue Slide too.

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  19. A friend of mine who lost her daughter refers to that "anniversary" as her "Angel Date." You'll be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.

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  20. The fact that you posted and continue to post; the fact that you shared those beautiful photos with us; the work you are doing for Kate and Peter's Treehouse--these are all ways you honor them, not just tomorrow, but every day. Our hearts will be with you, Kate and Peter tomorrow.

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  21. Amy -

    You, Kate, and Peter will be in my thoughts and prayers. As always.

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  22. So ironically enough... My girlfriend and I were sitting in the livingroom a short time ago and Ginny must have sent a tweet out about you and your children. She told me about you and your family... and then she told me callapitter! I still to this day say callapitter :) so i hurried and grabbed my PC and found your blog.. their it was... Callapitter. I read why you chose to call it that :) so for what ever reason it maybe ... I just had to write you... and I know that tom. will be a tough one for you... but I want you to know that I am going to take a moment out of my busy day at work tom. to tell everyone I am around a story about a cattapiller and 2 beautiful children... Your in my heart and prayers... and believe that your children may have been taken away from you... but they love you so much!

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  23. Amy, I will be thinking of you and your beautiful Kate and Peter tomorrow. I'm so sorry.

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  24. Thoughts are with you. How about a picnic at the site of their play ground? Let th sun Warm you and let you know they are always with you. <3

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  25. Thinking of you and sending you a strong, supportive hug.

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  26. I'm at a total loss for words, but you will be in my thoughts and prayers, especially tomorrow. From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry for your loss.

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  27. I will be praying for you and your precious angel babies tomorrow and always. God Bless you !

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  28. Nothing original to add here beyond what so many others have said, but know that you & your kids will be thought of with great affection out here in Southern California tomorrow (and on many other days, too).

    Wishing you moments of peace, & the comfort of knowing that your family is being held so closely by so many.

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  29. i wish you feelings of overwhelming peace tomorrow...yes, overwhelming peace. your children were just beautiful - and your words, whether eloquent or not, are beautiful as well.

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  30. I am going to take my kids to the park tomorrow, buy them ice cream and let them sleep in my bed.....in honor of your babies. I am going to let them be kids and not sweat the small stuff, live in the moment because it's all we are guaranteed in this life. All my love.

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  31. May you feel Kate and Peter around you tomorrow. My thoughts will be with you throughout the day

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  32. It will be a rough day, but there's lots and lots of people who will have you in your thoughts and prayers and be sending you so much love. May the Lord keep you tomorrow - your children will love whatever you do to remember them.

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  33. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, especially. Hugs your way.

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  34. I don't know how much the words of a complete stranger help, but if it helps at all, here goes. I know that Kate and Peter aren't with you the way they were before, but they're still with you. I know it might sound like a bunch of shmaltz, but I'm as cynical and skeptical and not "touchy feely" as they come and I know it's true. Have hope.

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  35. Thinking of you and praying for you to feel surrounded by love from all sides, even if there is still a void within. Breathe. Keep breathing. You can do it. You're loved.

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  36. Amy - I think about you, Kate and Peter all the time. I am sure that tomorrow will be difficult. Go with your feelings - not sure that I can give advice because I am not sure how I would feel. One thing is for sure...I am a different person today because of Kate and Peter. I think twice about things that I do or say and I live life to the fullest because of you guys. You should be very proud as to how many lives Kate and Peter touched:)

    You are ALWAYS in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of hugs:)

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  37. may your angel babies carry you thourgh tomorrow and always~

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  38. *hugs* We've never actually met in person before, but you, your beautiful Angels, and their father will be in my thoughts tomorrow, as they have been many many times over the last year, and will continue to remain there.

    My son, Liam, is in Ms Dessell's class this year at ECS. I love dropping him off at school and looking at the trees that are planted outside for Kate and Peter. Makes me feel like they're right there greeting the kids as they enter the school.

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  39. I think I'm gonna draw or color in their honor while I'm at jury duty and then hopefully it will not be raining so I can pick up some garbage at a park or wherever in order to "keep the earth healthy." I'll be thinking of you all day and remembering all my favorite stories. And Amy just follow what you wanna do moment by moment, whatever it is....you always know what to do....and Kate and Peter will be there to help you too. I'm here if you wanna talk. Love you.

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  40. Thinking of you. Hoping the love & thoughts of so many will help you through the day. xo

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  41. Peace be with you.

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  42. Today has started - many people are holding you - maybe you could spend some time with beloved friends who are good listeners - maybe you could take some time outside alone to write a letter to your beautiful babies on this first anniversary of their transition - just suggestions - love to you

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  43. I just found your blog today, and I did my best to read through it. your children were beautiful. and I think you're right talking to them because they are around. a really good friend passed away a few weeks ago, and the night she died she came to my house, opened the door to my baby's room, and looked at him... and I know it was her because I felt her, very strongly.
    send you hugs. keep talking to them.

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  44. Oh honey, you will be in my thoughts and prayers all day. You have already done so much to honor them.

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  45. Sending you much peace and love on this day.

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  46. Dear Amy,

    I'm sorry to hear what happened, and my thoughts go to you and your family. Please stay strong through this day, and every other day. Although you did not get to spend a lot of time with your children, I'm sure you made every moment of their lives joyful. I'm positive that they would want to see their mother smile; so smile for the precious moments you shared, and remember that no matter where they are, they will always love you.

    Love,
    Michiko xoxo
    ItStartsWithUs.com

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  47. You are in my thoughts and prayers today, Amy.

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  49. Amy,

    You don't know me. I've read a few of your blog posts and I want to tell you that I'm so sorry for what has happened to you and what you're going through. Your children are absolutely beautiful and from the things I've read so far about Kate and Peter, you did a wonderful job raising them. It's horrible and unfair that you didn't get to spend more time with them. Your idea of a play area as a memorial is a fantastic idea, I really hope everything will work in your favour for you to be able to put this together. You are in my prayers, not just about seeing this project through, but I pray also for comfort at this really awful time.

    Natasha x
    www.itstartswith.us

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  50. Sending a virtual hug your way to help you through the day.

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  51. Reaching out to hug you and hold you up today.

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  52. Thinking of you and your kids everyday, but more so today. Sending you a virtual hug.

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  53. Amy,
    I have been thinking of you often as today drew near. I remember the shock and grief I felt when Heather sent me the article last year. And, I remember how my heart has ached for you through the year as I have read your posts. Every time I look at my children I think of you and your Kate and Peter. I am sorry that we never had the chance to meet them. Hang in there. You have made it through this far, you will get through today. Take Care. -Jenn Lynn-O.

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  54. My tears don't come close to yours I know, but I hope you find comfort in the fact that so many of us are holding you close in mind & heart today. Your angels are with you, this I know. You honor them every single day. Today especially I am sending hugs and light to you. God bless you always!

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  55. I'll be thinking about you today. I hope you can find a way to honor you children in way that doesn't leave you without air today. Big, big hugs.

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  56. I'll be thinking of you today as well as Kate and Peter. I hope that you are able to find some type of peace today. I am still in awe of your strength each day.

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  57. My prayers are with you today. May God bless you today and always.

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  58. I'll be thinking of you and your beautiful, BEAUTIFUL children all day ....

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  59. Prayers and thoughts going out to you today. Please know you, Peter and Kate are on my mind and in my heart. Lifting you up with prayer.

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  60. Thinking of you today. May the Lord hold you and keep you always.

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  61. I'm so sorry - this is an anniversary that no one should ever have to face. I will be thinking of you and your sweet children today. You are in my prayers.

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  62. Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you do find something quiet to remember them by — a walk to the park where they played, or just some flowers placed where you need them to be. There are no words I can offer to make you feel better. Loads of people are thinking of you, and of Peter and Kate, and I hope you can at least feel their thoughts and prayers for you. I hope someday there is peace.

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  63. Prayers for you today and everyday. May you feel their prescence today and be comforted.

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  64. As a mother I cannot image the pain of losing two precious children. My thoughts and prayers are with you today. May God give you the strength to find peace and may your children show you their presence in only a way that you can understand.

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  65. Kate and Peter will forever have a special place in the hearts of so many because of your love and strength. I'm sorry for your loss. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers all day.

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  66. amy you are in my thoughts and prayers

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  67. Amy, take comfort that your precious, beautiful angels are being honored and remembered today by so many people, many of whom have only come to know them virtually. Every spring for as long as I can remember I've watched as the grays and browns of winter are replaced by colorful flowers, green grass, and budding trees. I firmly believe that spring is when God gives all of the children in heaven crayons to color in the world. Today when I look at those colors, I will think of Katie and Peter and know that they had a hand in making it happen. Find peace if you can today and know that we are all thinking of you. *Hugs*

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  68. Thinking of you and your beautiful kids today. I pray that you'll feel their presence and find comfort in their memory.

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  69. I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you.

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  70. Thinking of you today, Amy.... another blog I read @ www.thespohrsaremultiplying.com, are also marking an "anniversary" tomorrow of the one year anniversary of the death of their daughter Madeline. I can't even begin to fathom what either one of you are going through, so I will only say that I am praying for you and my heart goes out to you...

    As for what you can do, there are many things I am sure, but I know when I lost my unborn baby eight months ago, I did a memorial service for them, saying a prayer and planting flowers in a gorgeous pot along with the remains... It was the only way to "bury" my child, quite honestly. I think planting something in memory of our lost children is a way for them to go on in a metaphorical way... maybe plant a tree in your yard - or two? Maybe release some balloons with messages to your babies?

    Sending all my prayers to you...

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  71. Nothing in my vocabulary can accurately portray my sorrow for what has happened to your angels. May you find peace and blessings this and every day.

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  72. Remember your sweet children in the way that feels right to YOU and no one else. You surely remember them every day, and this day is an extension of that. If you don't feel like sharing the day with anyone or everyone, then do what brings you peace.

    StacyfrPgh

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  73. Praying for your peace today.
    -------------------

    Reunited Again One Day ...

    David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?"' he asked. "Yes," they replied, "he is dead."

    Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

    His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!" He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." (2 Samuel 12:19-23)

    David said with assurance, "I will go to him." David's young child was gone, but he knew with certainty that he would see that child again. He made the important decision to go on living in the meantime. David knew that his son was already in the presence of the living God.

    If David, who lived in Old Testament times, had this certainty, how much more certain can we be about our own children now that Jesus Christ has come and given us a greater hope?

    Thank you, Jesus, that you care so much for me and for my child. I want to surrender my sinful life to You, so that I, too, will spend eternity in Your loving presence. Amen.

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  74. Amy,
    I am not a mommy, so I can not even imagine what you are going through. I have no words if brilliance for you, but I just want to say how beautiful you are, how beautiful your children are, and how incredible so many people think you are.

    I first learned of your blog from Ginny Montanez, when I started reading her blog. I know you are a stranger, but I think of you, Kate, and Peter often.

    I am sending you lots of love and positive thoughts on this difficult day.

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  75. For every person commenting here, there are so many others whose hearts go out to you but who can't find words. I'm hoping that you find some small comfort in knowing that.

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  76. Thinking of you. Sending virtual hugs. I hope you find peace.

    -Ashley

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  77. Amy,

    I just wanted to send love your way today. Your beautiful children live on in the hearts of Pittsburghers.

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  78. Dear Amy,
    I am so sad and so sorry you have to feel this pain. I think of you so often and I am saying prayers for you today and will continue to do so.
    I hope you will be with family and friends today that will be there just for YOU. I hope that they can offer you the warmth and the comfort you need.
    Kate and Peter are beautiful.
    I care so much about you and have never met you. Please know so many people are thinking of you and praying for you.
    With much care and concern,
    Dawn

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  79. You are in my thoughts and prayers regularly especially today. I pray for peace and comfort today and everyday.

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  80. I know you will find the strength to make it through this day, and your children will be with you, giving you that strength. I hope you feel the love and support from all the people who have you in their hearts today and every day.

    Suzanne

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  81. Thinking about you today Amy...hang in there. Your strength and courage is an inspiration to us all.

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  82. You are in my prayers, especially today.

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  83. Dear Amy,

    My son, Kiran, died at 3 and a half in January of 2009. A old friend sent me your site. I knew Steve in high school.

    On Kiran's death day (sorry, I don't tend to sugar coat things very much) I visited the chapel where we had a small private funeral for him. I felt like it was the last place where we were together. I cried and cried. The rest of the day was spent just laying around feeling sorry for myself.

    A few days later we hosted a small rememberance. As we have no other children we don't really have a reason to see so many of the people who knew our boy. I just wanted to be with people who knew him and talk about how great he was. Maybe it would be nice for you to visit with some of your kids' favorite people (teachers, babysitters, friends' parents, friends if you can...). I know we are all different. Sometimes I don't know what I need from moment to moment.

    I'll be thinking of you. Just do what feels right, even if it's nothing.

    Tricia

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  84. Your strength is remarkable. For the last year you have gotten up and kept breathing, kept moving, kept living even when it felt so wrong and so indescribably painful. Simply amazing. You will be on my heart and mind and in my prayers tomorrow. Please know that you serve as an inspiration for many people and you have helped more than you know.

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  85. Dear Amy, I am praying for peace and comfort for you today and every day.

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  86. Hugs and prayers to you!

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  87. Amy,

    I will never know what you're going through. But I agree with everyone when I say that you will find the strength--it's in you. God is holding you in His arms right now, even if it may not feel like it. We're all holding you. We love you, we're thinking of you, we're praying for you, and we're sending you the sincerest love and friendship.

    I am so sorry you have to feel this pain and loss. If I could, I'd take it on myself just so you didn't have to...and we've never even met. I'll be thinking of you all day today...

    xoxo,
    Secret Agent L

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  88. Amy,

    My heart cries for you today. You and your angels are in my thoughts and prayers. Your strength is an inspiration.

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  89. I don't have anything to say that can make you feel any better, as I haven't been through anything near what you have. But the fact that you are still here today, still talking about what you went through, is proof that you are strong and can continue to make it through this terrible ordeal. Please know that you give strength to others through your words and thoughts. My thoughts and prayers are with you today.

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  90. Dear Amy, I have no idea of, nor can I even imagine, how you're feeling or the grief that's in your heart today and every day since this tragedy happened, but I'm lifting you up in prayer. Sending you a big hug! xo

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  91. love never dies.

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  92. Praying and thinking about you today.

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  93. Have something that both of them liked to eat- maybe a favorite candy, snack, or meal. I still buy those awful green jelly mint leaf candy cause my grandmother loved them and it makes me smile to eat one and remember her at the same time.

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  94. I am saying prayers for you today. Your children are beautiful. In each picture you can see how truly happy kids that they are...

    I wrote that in the present tense, because their spirit is still alive and around you..

    I have no other words, but know that people love you and are there to support you in any way that you choose to honor your children on the 'day'.

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  95. I'm not sure how I stumbled onto your page, but I'm glad I did. I'm so sorry for your loss and I will be reading the rest of your blog. As for today, I can't even begin to imagine what it is like for you. I know the "anniversary" of my friends' deaths is always extremely difficult, but that doesn't even begin to compare. I like to spend the day with people who were close to them, too. And some time to yourself is always a treasure, time to think and hold their favourite toy and cry. I'll have you in my thoughts today.

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  96. So many thoughts and prayers are with you today. Your strength is remarkable. Your children would be so proud of you.

    My heart aches for you ... I wish there was more we could do for you. Please know how many people are thinking of you.

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  97. Amy- thinking of you today and every day. Your kids have left a legacy for us. We remember them with you. Thank you for sharing your precious memories. Having never met them, those pictures make me feel as though I have. What sweet little Angels they are. They will help you through this day and the many to follow. Sending lots of love and hugs to you today and always.

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  98. Thinking about you and your strength on this day. I wish I had more words. My heart aches for your loss. I look forward to celebrating the memory of your children at Kate and Peter's Treehouse.

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  99. Amy,

    Just wanted to let you know that I thinking about you today. Peter and Katie are so lucky to have you as their mom. Your strength amazes me and your honesty touches my heart. May you find the strength to make it thru this sucky day today.
    Jenn

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  100. Amy, after writing my previous comment, I looked up the accident on Google and read that you live in Penn Hills. So do I. If you need anything, please feel free to email me at mandyheck99@yahoo.com

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  101. I really have no words, but wanted you to know that you are on my heart today, and in my prayers.

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  102. Strength, peace, love, prayers to you today. We are all holding you up. Thanks for writing.

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  103. My thoughts are with you today.

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  104. Thinking of you and remembering Kate and Peter today.

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  105. Thinking of you today...

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  106. Amy,
    My mother passed away a few years ago in a car accident. My children are now the age that your children were when they passed. In my mind your beautiful kids are playing in heaven and my mother is enjoying watching them. I wish it was here and now. I think of you often, and I know that your kids have so many angels with them but it is comforting to me to know that my mother has two very special angels with her. Thank you for sharing your kids with us. I feel blessed to have gotten to know them. As every day my thoughts are with you and your kids.

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  107. "May the Lord bless you and keep you; May the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace." (Numbers 6:24-26)

    Lots of love and prayers from North Carolina.

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  108. Amy,

    I'm praying for you today!

    Caara

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  109. I have no words, just hugs and hopes of peace for you.

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  110. Amy,

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. I cannot imagine the hell that you have to live through every day! I am so sorry!

    Jessica

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  111. Your kids were so beautiful and full of life. I am so sorry.

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  112. Sending hugs to you and smiles to your angels in heaven. Wishing you peace.

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  113. Amy,

    While I know of your blog, I rarely read it. It causes me too much sadness. For whatever reason, I decided to check it today, and I'm so happy that I did.

    Susan and I talk of your family often, and both of our boys talk about Peter and Kate. I wish there was something more I could think to say on this day, but all I have is that I'm so sorry.

    With love,

    Brent Plummer & family

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  114. You have been blessed with beautiful children and nothing -- not time, not space, not death -- can take that away from you.
    When my best friend died, someone in a grief support group said something that is still helpful to me eight years later...
    Relationships don't end with death, they merely change.
    Your relationship with your children is as strong now as it was the moment you learned they were growing inside your belly...and they are equally as connected to you now, as they were then.

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  115. Praying for you today. My heart just aches for you and your family.

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  116. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what to do today - just do what feels right. Thinking of you today and always.

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  117. Where words fail, love prevails. Drink in the love we all have for you and your dear children.

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  118. My Dearest Amy,
    When this happened last year, I wrote to a friend: We thank God for sending two of His dearest angels to brighten our lives so much, And we also thank him for not telling us how brief their stay on Earth would be, for that would have spoiled all the Joy.
    I still feel that way today, but there is one more thing: I thank God that my daughter is so strong and brave, and I am in awe of her fortitude. I am so proud of you, I could burst.
    I decided to put flowers on our lawn, some pink and some blue, and to add more every year. Already there are pink and blue hyacinths outside the kitchen door. But now I will add red flowers as well, to honor your courage and your love. I wish I could do more. With all my love, Your Dad

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  119. There are no words I can think of that could possibly help. But know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of so many. I wish I could somehow carry your burden or make it less for you. I am so sorry.

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  120. Michelle O'BrienApril 6, 2010 at 6:30 PM

    You are always in our thoughts and prayers Amy. We will light two candles tonight in memory of Kate & Peter and say a prayer.

    Just read your dad's post...beautiful!!

    Love you...xoxo ♥♥

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  121. Amy, thinking of you and as always amazed at your strength.

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  122. Amy - I am thinking of you and hope you are finding the strength you need to get through this day. Remember that your children are always with you and will always be with you.

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  123. Be strong. My heart aches for you, I cannot imagine the daily pain. I will pray for you today that you will have strength.

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  124. Recognizing your excruciating loss & admiring your strength to carry on. Looking forward to the day when your tears don't flow as freely & some joy returns to your existence. For one day, you will rejoice with your little boy and lovely girl.

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  125. There arent enough word to describe you Amy. I dont even personally know you but feel as if you give me strength to carry on when life throws me a hard ball!! You amaze me and I pray EVERY night that God keeps his loving arms wrapped tight around you!!

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  126. Amy,
    Thinking of you tonight.

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  127. Dear Amy,
    Thinking of you tonight. Your children are beautiful souls.

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  128. Dear Amy,
    I'm sitting here reading this outpouring of love for you and your wonderful children. I think of you, Steve, Kate, and Peter daily and pray often for you to be at peace and learn to live in this life without them. You are an incredibly brave woman who has really inspired so many people. Your two angels are looking down on you and will help you get through this difficult time. Please know that you have so many people who are there for you! You will continue to be in my daily prayers. We love you!

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  129. There are so many of us here for you Amy - people you've never met - but all of us feel a connection to you, Kate and Peter in some way. I hope your beautiful children have sent you a sign today that they are close by, that they love you and miss you and that they are okay. I pray you'll find a little bit of peace this evening so that you can sleep and that you will wake up tomorrow with renewed hope for a better day. Hugs.

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  130. Amy,
    I have agonized for days about what to say to you today and I still do not have the answer. I find myself talking to you in the middle of the night when I am lying awake and missing my own daughter. I am coming up on the 5th 'anniversary' of her death and I know just how you feel today - or at least I think I do. The first one is decidedly the worst. I wanted to be alone but I was afraid to be alone. I wanted to run and hide but I could not get far enough away. My daughter died suddenly and I never got to say goodbye. I said it that day. I wanted to cry but the tears would not come. I cannot tell you what to do. I think that what you are doing with the playground is an amazing tribute to your beautiful angels. I wish I had done something nearly as positive with my grief. I am old and you are young but I have learned so much from you.

    I can tell you that it gets a little easier each year. You never forget; you never stop hurting. But you don't hurt quite so badly or in quite the same way. You stop playing the "What if..." game. You remember all the good times and though your mourn the fact that they cannot return, you rejoice in the face that you were privileged enough to have those time. You rejoice in the fact that you were deemed worthy to share in their lives albeit for way too short a time. My daughter was 35 when she died - it was still way too short a time. And she left behind an 11-yr old daughter and a 13-yr old son. They were as lost as you are and I was on that first commemoration. I don't care how old they are you are not supposed to bury your child.

    You have shown so much raw courage, so much strength, so much tenacity - you have no idea how many people you have inspired. Let the tears flow - you must let that happen. Tears eventually bring release. Let the smiles follow. Know that you were and are an incredible Mom - it is written all over the faces of your kids.

    I will never know all of the emotions that you are experiencing today. That is so personal that nobody but you really knows that. I do know how heart-wrenching the day has been. I hope that you feel the love from so many who have reached out to you. I know that Kate and Peter are incredibly proud of you.

    I will continue to pray for you as you take one day at a time. That's all that you can do right now, Amy. Get through tonight and then face tomorrow. Grief doesn't disappear on any schedule or with any anniversary. With time the hollowness will begin to be filled with healing and eventually with gratitude for the time that you had with them. I cannot tell you if or when it will ever really go away. Nobody has yet been able to tell me that. If it ever happens you will be the first to know.

    I just wanted to join with the multitude of people who are thinking of you and praying for you and your family today. Please accept my love and best wishes.

    Barbara

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  131. On Delaney's first angel date. I did the one thing I knew how to do. I gathered all my friends and family and went to the cemetery to be with her. We sat in sun until it rained. And it does almost every year. When she past it was the year hurricane Ivan swept through here. Things were bad if you remember but yet on the day we buried her it was so sunny as where the night before was so horrible. She cries for us when we go on her "angel date" (this is much more gentler for me) We spend time with her on her angel date. between my 4 friends and I we have a dozen of children and then we have one angel. The kids know that we go there and do a balloon release. Think of her and then have a meal together. On her birthday, we go to the cemetery and have a party. we stay about an hour or longer. Balloons , cake, family, and friends. This is very important to me. And them. The kids know this is what we do. One year we went the day after her angel date and her best friend was so pissed at me. But we all had been at a swim meet.(8 of the kids swim) He understood but was still mad.

    But we all go to be with her. This year she would have been 10. So this year we are having a party. A real one. It is important to me to celebrate it. We did with my oldest and Delaney still counts. But we will still go and be with her on her bday and angel date. My uncle is right next to her and two friends are within arms length so we also take them cupcakes too.

    I am not sure what I would do without my friends. They keep me standing. My family is great but her other "mothers" keep me where I need to be.

    Peace and gentle thoughts to you ont his your children's first angel date. Please remember to take one breath at a time. But mostly remember that they love you. And I am so sure they sent you a sign today to let you know that. Take a moment to hug them in your thoughts. I am sending you hugs and knowing what you are going through.
    Kelly
    Delaney's mom

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  132. hugs and thoughts and prayers to you tomorrow. it is so little that i can do, but i will be thinking of you, Kate and Peter.

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  133. Amy,You are constantly on my mind and am amazed everyday you get out of bed.I cannot imagine the pain you feel because the sorrow I experience for you and your angels is often so much I cry as I am reading your blogs.I am so sorry you have to deal with such grief.Your angels will always be remembered and they have the best and strongest mom ever.Spend your day with family so they can help you through this day and all the rest.Your doing so much now to honor them.Feel proud of all your doing and know they are anxiously awaiting to play in their playground.I pray for you daily and there's nothing to say except I am so so sorry for your loss and pray good things will come to help pass your time until your reunited with "the loves of your love."Your the strongest person I know and I only know you via this site.I would send you anything that would help but time is the only thing that will ease the pain.God bless you.

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  134. Amy, I'm sending love and strength to you today.

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  135. Amy,

    I've been thinking of you today and sending hugs your way. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to know Kate and Peter through your wonderful blog. I have smiled, laughed, and cried reading your posts and looking through the photos.

    My prayers are with you and your family.

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  136. I regularly check in and think of you a lot but especially so now. I wish I could take away some pain. Go ahead and send it out there; so many people in this virtual family of yours wants to shoulder some of it for you.

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  137. Big hugs coming your way Amy. Sending thoughts and prayers for you and your family everyday, but especially on this difficult day. Hope you were good to yourself.

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  138. Amy, I thought of you and your kids often yesterday, without even realizing why. And today I realize why. I hope you survived the day and maybe even found something in it to cherish. As always, my best to you, and to the kids' dad.

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  139. Hi Amy,
    How are you today?

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  140. Just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking about you a lot this extra-difficult week, especially yesterday. Take care of yourself and looking forward to your next post.

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  141. Amy -

    I've been following your blog - one week after Kate and Peter died, my friend's 8 year old niece was killed in an equally vicious and sudden car accident. The whole family, including her twin, have spent the last year trying to navigate the new normal. As you know, it's horribly rough. Your strength is amazing. . .I pray you find some peace and comfort.

    Karen Sorrell
    (an old high school classmate)

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  142. I am not seeing if my comment from the other day showed up or not... but just wanted to send my thoughts... Praying for you that you got through April 6th all right. God bless.

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  143. Amy, thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. I'm looking at the beautiful pictures of Kate and Peter and remembering their wonderful amiles and laughs. Take care.

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  144. Amy, my heart and thoughts are with you.

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  145. Amy - How are you doing today?

    Thinking of you, Kate and Peter,
    Ashley

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  146. ARE YOU OK AMY? ALL YOUR CYBER FRIENDS ARE ANXIOUSLY WAITING TO SEE HOW YOU ARE.A HAVE CHECKED YOUR SITE MANY TIMES SINCE THE LAST AND AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU AS WELL AS ALOT OF OTHER CYBER FRIENDS.PLEAS LET US KNOW IF YOUR OK.

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