While going through my pile of mail I found my Census 2010 form. I'm realizing now that my kids were never counted in a census and never will be - it's almost like they weren't here, at least not officially according to the people who count people. That's just wrong. :(
Your kids are real and they are watching you everyday.Your an amazing person and mother. You will see each other again and it will be the best day of your life, but for now you have to continue to do what your doing and find anyway you can to go on each day.I am sure it is impossible to go on happy after your tragic loss but continue to try. God has a plan for you you just don't what it is yet.And your little angels will continue to watch over you everyday.I am with you that I too could not be happy without my children but you atleast are finding the strength to do so which inspires so many others that experienced a loss like yours.I think of you constantly and try to appreciate all I have and try to be a better person and mother due to your blogs.We take for granted just about everything we have until it is gone.Nothing will make what your going through any easier except time.And commend yourselt for doing as well as you are.You are AMAZING and all your followers feel that way.I will continue to pray for you especially over the upcoming days which I am sure will be the hardest.You deserve to find love and happiness again and that means becoming a mother again.It does not mean to forget your angels it just means it will help you until you are reunited with them.Your young and have lots of love to give and you deserve all the happiness in the world.I pray someday your able to move on, not forgetting what you had but being able to wake up and sleep without the horrible panic that comes over you.You deserve to be a mother especially seeing how you raised 2 amazing, kind and beautiful children that will never be forgotten.God bless you and I hope the days to come will get easier and easier.Some stupid census form can never take away your 2 amazing children that count in everyway.
ReplyDeleteI guess I never thought about it. But my daughter will never be counted either. That sucks!! I can so understand what you are going through. It will be six years in September for me since my Delaney passed away. The hurt and pain are still there but not a strong as the love. And the memories. Yea I see her smile in my thoughts more. And in the sky. I look at a day like today as one she sent to me to tell me she is ok. Since then several very wonderful family members have joined her. And I am so very sure they are enjoying the beautiful spring weather with her.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the country didn't get the honor of counting them, but to all that knew them, and all that only know them through the pictures and stories you share, THEY COUNT!
ReplyDeleteThey counted and they still count. By your words here keeping their memory alive, by the park that you're working on for them and for the people that knew them that absolutely makes them count. I think that all makes them valid more than some government paperwork.
ReplyDeleteYou and Kate and Peter have made more of an impact than you realize. I'm so thankful for you and pray that you stay strong.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you this time of year... and certainly think that Kate and Peter made a HUGE impact on a lot of people. Some of us are still getting to know them through you and your wonderful stories and pictures :-). I know you still feel them and love them, and they are still here with you in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteAmy - this is one of the emails sent daily from griefshare.com -- a wonderful program for those that are grieving. I just wanted to share as I'd thought of you with today's message.
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Troubled Thoughts
You do not need to be constantly burdened by sorrowful thoughts.
"Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught" (Psalm 55:1-2).
Author, speaker, and humorist Barbara Johnson lost two of her sons. She shares how God gave her a special memory of one of her sons to replace the bad thoughts that were overwhelming her. She says: "The memory is so special that when I talk about my son and I think about it, God windshield-wipes the pain, and I can enjoy the other memories and think on things that are good and happy and fun and pure. And God, in time, does erase the painful memories. It's so important to think of the fun times."
Ask God for a special memory of your child to replace the negative pictures in your mind. Focus your thoughts on that special memory. Share it with others, and treasure it.
Lord God, remind me of the happy memories, the fun times, and the laughter, and may those memories bring a smile to my face and to others around me. Amen.
I was thinking of you today, Amy. You continue to be in my daily thoughts and prayers. I'm so glad you're posting again. Even though you were away, I came back every day to see if you had posted. I'm glad that while it was terribly hard, you were able to enjoy some of your time in Australia.
ReplyDeleteI lost my daughter 2 years10 months ago. She was in a terrible car accident. She was a passenger in the back seat, She was 17. Her name was Lacey. I am devastated still. I have 2 other children thankfully and my husband. I do the middle of the night panic thing too. Its like you can't believe your life is real.
ReplyDeleteLacey was an amazing person. She was kind and good and beautiful inside and out. She was always happy, loved to laugh, loved helping people. We have all been so affected by her loss.
I'm trying to do right by her. We have a scholarship in her name and give it to a graduating senior. This will be the third year.
I do a weird thing, my shrink says its post traumatic stress syndrome, I get totally numb and can't feel anything sometimes. Then I get normal and the terrible depression kicks in again. I wish I could stay numb forever.
I'll keep you in my prayers always. Please keep me in yours.
They count. You, and they, have touched so many lives and made such a difference with this blog. They were here (and in a way, still are). They count.
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