Monday, August 31, 2009

My little singer...

A few days ago while I was driving, the new Miley Cyrus song "Party In The U.S.A." came on the radio. I, personally, am not a big Miley fan, but I decided to leave the song on because my kids would have wanted to listen to it. I could just imagine Kate in the backseat saying, "Mama, I like that song...don't change it." We often had a 3-way battle for control of the radio.

I was driving along thinking, 'well, the words are kinda cheesy, but Miley has a decent voice' when I suddenly felt like Kate was sitting in the car with me. You know how you can feel someone in a room with you without seeing or hearing them? It was like that.

As soon as I started thinking about whether or not it was real, the feeling went away so I tried to turn of my brain and just let myself feel it. Was it really Kate? I have absolutely no idea. It may have been wishful thinking. Maybe I was just remembering what it was like when she was in the car singing along. Regardless of whether or not Kate was really there, it felt good; I felt very closely connected to her.

I'm not sure what my purpose is in sharing this story, except that I wanted to share something good instead of always talking about the bad and the ugly. There was so much good in the last 7 years of my many fun and wonderful moments and memories. Truly the only thing worse than losing my kids would be never having them at all. I'm extremely grateful that I got to be their 'mama', even if it was only for a short time.

(Kate is 2 years old in this picture and she's singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." I can't tell you how many times we listened to that song...or what I would do to hear her sing it one more time.)


  1. Thank you for sharing this cute story. I will never forget her sweet little voice calling you "Mama"in fact I can still hear it. :)

  2. We had a little meltdown in our house last night at bedtime when Hailey was talking about what's coming up in the next few months and her birthday is in December. She was telling me what she wanted to do for her birthday party and who she wanted to invite. Of course, her list included Ella, Mira, Johnny, Ava, Kate and Peter. Before I could say anything, she looked at me and said in a very quiet voice "oh I forgot" and then cried. It's amazing to me how much grief my kids feel over the loss of of their friends. Kate and Peter will always be part of our lives, if only in our wishful thoughts and memories.

  3. I can't help but notice the baby feet in the corner of the picture. I can only assume that those feet belong to Peter. That makes me smile. Together then and together today. No doubt Kate was in the van with doubt that it was her who numbed the urge to switch the station.

  4. I totally feel that Kate was with you in the van...happy that you can feel her and glad you kept the song playing. The other day Lori was feeling Peter pretty strong when we were shopping for some things for the fundraiser....he totally led us to some cool pirate booty : )

  5. I am in my office right now and am going to have to close the door because tears are coming out of my eyes... This touched me so much because something about Kate reminds me of my own beautiful niece Evelyn. And to think that any child can be gone in a blink of an eye just makes me want to go and hug my stepson and my niece and nephew. I know I always love and appreciate them - but do I always show it? Probably not. None of us probably show it quite enough.

    I am going to hug them a little tighter. And I will think of your little Kate every time I hear Party in the USA!