This is the first thought that enters my brain each morning when I wake up...and yes, it is 11:00am and I just woke up. I think 'did this really happen?' which usually leads to the more disturbing 'did Kate and Peter ever really exist?'. Then I look over at their pictures on my dresser and think 'yep, they were real...I didn't make them up'.
I usually lay in bed for awhile pondering the enormity of everything. I get very confused when I think, 'I have pictures of them, their clothes are here, their toys are here so they should be here too!' I can't accept that they're gone.
And then the downward spiral of thoughts begins: how do people just die...they were really young and healthy and they just died...how hard did they have to hit their heads for it to kill them...did they know what was coming....were they scared...were they in pain...how could their dad let this happen...how could the universe or God let this happen? This thought process typically concludes with the question 'why' (which in my head sounds more like 'WHY WHY WHY?!!!!! I WANT TO KNOW WHY!!!!!!') followed by the extremely unproductive and somewhat haunting 'what if'...
Now I need to get myself out of bed and attempt to have a somewhat productive day. Ugh.