Saturday, October 10, 2009

I guess it takes six months...

for the shock to wear off. For the past few days I have experienced a type of sadness so much more intense than anything I could have ever imagined. I've cried a lot since April, but lately I seem to spend hours each day sobbing. My eyes hurt and wearing contacts is pointless. And I look fabulous...not that it really matters.

I guess this is how it goes, at least for me. I read a book about a woman who lost her son. She said she spent the first 6 months in a fog then entered a two year period of the worst pain she's ever experienced. I had forgotten I read that until just now.

I've been told that I have to let the sadness out so I can make space for love to replace it. Judging by the way I feel now, it's gonna take a lot longer than two years. But what other choice to I have. Bring it.


  1. Hi. I am a friend of facie (of facie's ramblings). I found your site through her site. And I keep checking in, and will continue. I can't imagine what you're experiencing, and honestly I don't want to. But you are not alone in your journey, not really. Keep putting it down in type, and I pray that it slowly, surely becomes a little bit more bearable each day.

  2. Aim....You know in your rational mind that you learned once in some radom psych class that you took in Freshman year that there are stages to grief. The whole 'acceptance' thing has always alluded one day you are going to wake up and say "K! I'm good with this". My dear friend, I hate to say this, but I think you are balancing on these stages...tiptoeing back and forth and trying not to fall between the cracks. Today, you are in the acceptance mode, but tomorrow you might hop back to denial. Just know that whatever stage you are in, we are all here to help you move (as gracefully as only you can do) from one to the other. Love you. xoxoxo

  3. Today is no doubt a tough, tough day for you. Just keep in mind one thing; without today the world would have never known those sweet souls. You are always on my mind and in my heart, Amy.

  4. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way right now. It's rather inevitable that you will now and then..... I said it before, but... what a life you've given your kids. I'm sure the pain is unbearable and that you miss them more than any words or tears could ever indicate....As you know, a lot of people are thinking of you...everyday....

  5. yes...everyday...

  6. I've read that it can take up to five years after a major death for one to fully settle into the new normal.

    My pastor describes it like a quilt that has had a patch torn out of it. You can repair the quilt and it looks pretty good and it's functional again, but it will never be the same because that patch had been torn out. Life will settle into its new normal and the grief will lessen, but life will never be the same as before the loss happened. Gentle (((hugs))) to you.

  7. have you heard of lily dale? there was an HBO special about the community and it sounds like a place that might interest you, from what i've read.
    i know i'd like to go someday