I look at his friends who have grown for two years and are turning or near turning seven, and my mind can't reconcile why he's not here. I still cannot wrap my brain around it, even though it's the reality of every day of my life. I don't have the proper wiring in my brain for "my kids have died" and I'm guessing I never will.
Since I won't be celebrating on Thursday I at least want to do something to honor him. Thursdays are my busiest day of school (I have class from 7am to 6pm) so I'll be busy and distracted, but I'm hoping I can find a little time each day this week to share a picture of Peter that most people haven't seen before and maybe a quick story. It makes me so sad when I realize that the pictures I have of my kids are part of a finite collection - that I'll never be able to take another picture of them - though I'm grateful I took many while they were here.Here's a picture of Peter when he was about two months old. I always felt he was wise beyond his years (or months) and this picture illustrates that completely. Maybe it's just because I'm his mom and I'm biased, but I think he looks like he's fully aware of everything that's going on around him and that at any moment he may start spouting off words of wisdom.
But he's still my baby, and I miss him.
Hi Amy, Prayers for you especially this week. Thursday is Holy Thursday for us. Its actually a neat time to think of Peter, so we'll carry his memory to church. In our faith, we commemorate the last supper and Jesus washing his disciples feet. Its my favorite mass because it reminds us that God chose to give up his only son to die for us. Now, I would never want another parent to have to suffer the way God and Mary did (even Joseph) but it seems too many are like yourself suffering that loss and deep sadness. Please know Peter will be in my thoughts and prayers. I will be thinking of you, like I think of Mary choosing to have a child knowing that he's going to have to watch suffer and die. May you be comforted by prayers and love this week especially.
ReplyDeleteHe does look wise beyond his months. And I think you can't wrap your mind around it all because it is just not natural. My daughter has a fatal disease and I can't wrap my mind around it either, and it has also been two years since I knew that she would wither and die. Not natural. Not natural, not natural, not natural. Have you seen that children's book Someday? If you haven't don't look at it, it tortures me, but that book describes what is natural. Burying your children is not. It is just not natural.
ReplyDeleteI see what you mean in the picture, Amy. Peter does look wise beyond his years. You are a very loving mom and brave to, and I am sure he is with you every second this week, Kate also. I wish you love and peace this week and all weeks. And Happy birthday to your littlest angel, Peter on his 7th birthday.
ReplyDeleteThat was exactly what I thought when I saw the picture before I continued into the next paragraph when you described him as such.
ReplyDeleteI love your photos, and this is such a sweet, sweet photo of your Peter. My heart just broke today when I read your post. His birthday. It IS a beautiful day, though - the day this little boy came into the world and was so loved my his mommy and his family. I'm so sorry, Amy. Your sweet boy deserved his Batman party and so much more. I hope you're comforted by knowing that he was so loved and had so much happiness around him. I'll think of you two today - all day. As always - peace to you on this difficult day.
ReplyDeleteOh - and - Happy B-day to Peter this Thursday, of course.
ReplyDeleteYes, I thought that too when I looked at the picture, before I read your post. One of friends who also lost 2 children said once that children who die always seemed to have taken their lives full throttle.. Part of me likes that idea, as it sort of suggests they got good value for their short time here - and part of me feel terrified by the idea, as it kind of suggests that they never had a chance, and it was all predestined.... which I don't really believe.
ReplyDeleteIt is my b'day on Friday - last year I turned 40 years old, the day before Catherine's funeral - so I have very mixed feelings about it. Catherine was also looking forward to her 4th b'day... It breaks your heart doesn't it - our lives should be full of such happy events, and instead we have such sadness.
He will always be your baby. Beautiful picture.
ReplyDeleteHe does look very wise... Happy birthday to your precious baby.
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