Monday, January 25, 2010

a little something from my kids...

I’m home from my adventures at sea. It’s nice to be home and though I had some sort of flu-like illness for the first few days of my cruise, I was still able to enjoy a nice relaxing vacation.

Given that I’ve been away from home and, for the most part, away from my blog for the past twelve days I have experienced a whole range of emotions since my last post. I would like to report that I did spend some time releasing my anger using a tennis racquet and pillows - ok, it was more like an exorcism than a release. It was quite cathartic and I felt much better after doing so. I thank you all for your suggested anger-releasing techniques and plan to give some of them a try for what I’m sure will be many upcoming episodes of anger.

There were so many things I considered writing about while on vacation, but due to my sheer lack of motivation from being sick and the ridiculous price of on-board wi-fi I haven’t written anything yet. I have much to sort through in my brain before writing anything coherent, however there is one occurrence I’d like to quickly share.

As you may know if you’ve read my blog in the past I still talk to my kids quite frequently and occasionally “hear” from them. While sitting in the sun one particularly sad day last week I was talking to my kids saying, “You know, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard from you and I miss you so much. It would be so helpful if you could give me a little something, some kind of sign to let me know you’re still there and that you’re ok.”

Immediately after “saying” that (I didn’t really say it out loud, but was talking to them in my head) I was playing with my phone, as I so often do. I was sending text messages from the middle of the ocean (also not cheap) when I noticed I had about 30 unfinished messages in my “drafts” folder. Those of you who text will understand that when I’m in the middle of composing a text message and my phone rings the partial message automatically gets saved to my drafts folder. I typically forget that the folder exists and retype the message when I hang up the call. I had a bunch of messages that looked like this:

To: Jen
Message: what time di

To: Janis
Message: do u

To: Ken
Message: call m

I went through reading and deleting each message until I got to one that looked like this:

To: (no recipients)
Message: The kids are all right

I have absolutely no clue where this message came from. I know for sure that I didn’t write it for a few different reasons:

1. There was no recipient.

2. I got this particular phone after my kids died so I don’t know who I would’ve been texting about

3. If I had written a message such as this I would have used the word “alright” instead of the words “all right” which leads me to believe it may have been written by a certain little girl who loved to text (see picture below), but wouldn’t understand the grammatical difference.



I don’t know how it’s possible, I only know that after reading it I felt an overwhelming sense of peace knowing my kids are still around and able to communicate with me. I know it sounds crazy, and after reading this you may think I need medication, but I don’t know how else to explain it. Maybe where they are, they were able to find a cell phone provider with inter-dimensional service. Whatever the explanation, I’m just thankful. Thank you, Kate and Peter.

36 comments:

  1. I love when that happens. When on vacation a few years back. i was having a bad Delaney ( my daughter who has passed) day. I was feeling like I wanted to jump back in bed. But my other daughter was like let's go to the beach. I get all ready and go outside to the most beautiful blue sky. Blue was D's favorite color. Moments later there was the prettiest rainbow. My Delaney does these things to let me know she and I are ok. I miss her so much but think that if I am seeing that so is she. So together we are sharing a moment.
    I am very glad you had a bit of time to decompose. I like to do that. But when realizing your children are ok is so much better. Missing still hurts though.

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  2. what a blessing!!!! and please, I don't think you need medication. I believe you. (not that this would matter to you at all, so maybe I need meds? hehe)

    much love!
    carmen

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  3. Wow. That is amazing and wonderful.

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  4. This made me cry - thank you Kate & Peter for telling your mama what she needed to know!!

    Crazy, no. Amazing, yes.

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  5. Might it be "all right," meaning, "everything" is "right" with them? Grammatically correct after all?

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  6. amy i love reading your posts. your communications with your kids gets me every time. i am amazed at how connected they still are to you and how blatent and obvious those communications are. amazing and sooooo not crazy.

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  7. How wonderful. I'm happy for you that Kate sent you this great message (I'm sure with help from Scooge) :)

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  8. As you know, I certainly believe you. It's hard when you don't feel them around, I'm sure. When I need to feel my Dad and be reminded that I should live my life in his example, I wear his ring. Sometimes, I sense his presence, and... sometimes, it feels like a long time... Some connections will always be there. Your kids just love you so much - gracious little souls, aren't they?

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  9. So glad you had a relaxing trip despite the illness and especially that you got that reassurance. By the way, I think your Kate's grammar is correct - she gets a gold star on her forehead.

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  10. I just get goose bumps and chills by this.

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  11. That is so wonderful for you! Thanks to Kate and Peter! I hope you enjoyed and were comforted by your time on vacation. You sure do deserve it!

    Also, glad to see you back. I've been thinking of you often and wondering how you are doing.

    -Ashley

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  12. I too got chills when I read what you wrote. Although the unexplainable is, well, unexplainable, it certainly seems like that message was from Kate. I am glad for you.

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  13. I believe you--you don't need medication. My BF of 7 years passed in 1989. A few weeks later, I was lying in bed when I clearly heard him say, "You smell good." I heard it so clearly that I said, out loud, "Thank you."

    I believe the line between here and "there," (wherever that is ) is very thin.

    Hugs,

    Jules

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  14. YOU feel is true, nothing else matters.

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  15. I just got goosebumps reading that! How amazing! I totally and completely believe that Kate and Peter did somehow send that message. They want you to know that wherever they are, they are "all right". I don't think you are crazy one bit. I have had instances such as these myself - and no one can discount them. I am so happy that your little ones spoke to you!

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  16. That is so wonderful! Crazy, no- wonderful = yes. If you ever had doubts whether your kids were watching over you, that should put them to rest. Thinking of you.

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  17. the message is just like them : amazing!!

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  18. What an awesome story! And it's not crazy at all - it's just amazing!

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  19. I have goosebumps after reading this. Kate and Peter are always with you....

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  20. Um - yes it was definitely from the kids! That picture of Kate was perfect - from the glasses to the crossed leg. I'm glad they sent you that message. Welcome home.

    Peg

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  21. Oh gosh, I love this post. You have absolutely no idea who I am, but I'm connected to the Snyder's (Sarah's brother Bob married my sister Michelle). I've followed this story from Sarah, and have been praying for you, and for your children to be kept safe with God, and just reading this makes me so happy to know that they were able to reach out to you. One of my close friends lost her husband to leukemia a few months ago, and I know how important the little msgs are that show they are out there, somewhere, still watching over us and thinking of us. God bless. I hope to continue reading wonderful msgs like this!

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  22. I got a chill when I read this and it made me cry. I believe your children are ok and watching over you everyday. Last feb my favorite aunt passed away, about a month or so after she died I had a dream about her and she told me that she was ok and everything would be fine, it made me feel better

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  23. I think your blog is so poignant and articulate. I think that things like that message sometimes happen for a reason and it is important to be attuned to these messages. Your children are always with you.

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  24. Last year in Miss Dessell's class, Cameron lost a prize that he won in a math game they were playing. He got really upset and right away, Kate gave him one of hers so that he wouldn't be sad. So I guess you can see why there is no doubt in my mind that your Kate sent you that message so that you could feel some peace. :)

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  25. i believe. i love to look for beach glass, and was thinking about my dad, who had passed away. within seconds, i found a beautiful chunk of cobalt blue glass on the sand -- the holy grail of beach glass. my dad put that there as sure as your kate left you that message. welcome home.
    --sue

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  26. I do NOT think you need medication. I think you received a message from your children, and it's wonderful.

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  27. That's just breathtaking! I am glad the message brought you some peace.

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  28. Amy, I found your blog via That's Church. I never met you or your children, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    I don't know you, but I believe your text is truly a message from your kids. For what it's worth, I had something simliar happen when my cousin passed away. His parents were at my house, 3 weeks to the day that he died. At 7:16 (his pronounced time of death), their cell phone's screen lit and it started beeping. It wasn't their ringtone; it was very short, rapid beeps. My cousin's dad removed the battery from the phone, and it was still beeping and was still lit. It continued until 7:17.

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  29. i don't think you're crazy-- i believe that you are blessed!
    and 'we' do hear from our kids. i see, hear and feel mine in many ways-- and it has been many years since i lost mine-
    they live on in our hearts-- and souls-- as long as we remain here--- they know we need them-- we need to know they are ok-- even though our heads tell us that they are, and that we will see them again. hold them again. they're watching, waiting, even protecting us. until we get there to be with them.
    but like you-- i know mine check in on me too-
    sometimes it's a hummingbird. or a perfect sunrise- or sunset- or shooting star.
    or maybe a close call-- and i know it was an angel that got me through-- one of my baby angels.

    i'm sorry you got sick on your cruise--- maybe next time eh?

    hope you have a relaxing day-
    hugs to you

    (ps- i posted on here once or twice as 'soul' -- now i'm me-- brezz)

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  30. See? I've been telling you so.
    Just like I said.
    You ARE healing. :-)

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  31. That gave me chills... the good kind, :) You are one amazing Mommy.. Glad you had a nice vacation, even if you weren't feeling well. :) Glad you are back

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  32. I must choose my words carefully at the risk of sounding crass here. First, the death of loved ones is devastating. I experienced the sudden loss of my wife recently and was left to raise my children without her. She stayed at home from the time our first child was born. But in the whole grieving process I was determined to lock into the belief that there is a reunion. You WILL be reunited with your beautiful children. Now go on with your life - think of that day when the reunion will take place, but give yourself a chance to live, too. The "Callapitter" was a great way to attack your grieving process, but now I think it only stirs up memories that work against you. For me, I will know that when it's NOT available, you will have taken a giant step.

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  33. What a beautiful message from your kids!! I don't think you're the slightest bit crazy, and I actually think this shows how wonderful you are :)

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  34. I just found your blog recently (via a tweet from BurghBaby) and I'm working through the archives. I have to say, I absolutely believe that msg was from Kate & Peter somehow. I have no idea about the hows, exactly, but I believe it with everything I have. Hang in there, mama.

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  35. This is my first time reading your blog...I've spent most of my work day reading it. And this story really touched me! (as do most of your blogs). I'm sure Kate found some way to get that message to you! And btw, you will never be stripped of your "mom" title! You will ALWAYS be a mom!
    My thoughts are with you!

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