Tuesday, January 5, 2010
trying to find balance...
So after spending most of yesterday in my pajamas, procrastinating and feeling sorry for myself I'm trying to be a bit more productive today. It's only 10:45 and I'm already awake...that's something!
But seriously, one of the things I hope to do in this new year (besides finding ten things to be thankful for each day) is to spend more time doing less. From April 7th through December 31st of 2009 I stayed so busy that I didn't have a lot of time to think or feel. I did this on purpose, of course, because for me it's easier than the alternative. But my body and soul are tired. I need to slow down.
That brings me to my quest for balance. I need to be careful because if I slow down too much inertia will take over and every day will be like yesterday. I need to pace myself so I can get a few things done and stay busy enough to distract myself from my pain to some degree, but I also need to give myself time to grieve so I can start to heal. I don't think it's gonna be easy.
A huge benefit of slowing down will be that I'll have time to read, meditate and hopefully notice more of the things going on around me. I honestly believe there is so much going on in our universe that we typically don't notice because we're busy, distracted or just not tuned in. For example...why is it that so-called "mediums" can regularly communicate with people who have died but the average person can't? Is it because they have super-powers? Or have they just found a way to tune in to something most of us have not.
And kids - they can see, hear and feel so much that we adults can't! I don't think it's because they're making it up; I think it's because their minds are open and uncluttered and they haven't learned NOT to pay attention to those kinds of things. Here's one story that comes to mind:
A classmate of Peter's saw Kate at Peter's school on April 8th (2 days after Kate and Peter died). This little girl had not yet been told that Kate and Peter were in a car accident and though she knew Peter wasn't there that day, she did say that Kate was there, sitting next to one of her best friends. There was a special Easter program that day and Kate was part of the audience. She was very specific and I believe her. Why would she make something like that up?
The obvious reason I'd like to slow down and tune in is because I want to be able to communicate more regularly and openly with my kids. They've done a pretty good job of getting through to me in my busy and highly distracted state, but who knows what it might be like if I can settle down, open my heart and my mind and focus.
So back to balance. I've always tried to find it and most of the time it's eluded me. But I guess, in reality, the journey is probably more important than the destination. Just for today I'm going to do my best...to try to be productive yet take some time to slow down. And I'll also try not to be so hard on myself...thank you for all of your encouraging comments.